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On the "speakeasy"
The proliferation of speakeasy-style bars is perhaps the most accurate representation of the current state of inauthenticity we currently live in. Can you picture a time when alcohol was illegal? You certainly can't while you're at a 'password'-found-on-yelp paradise where you're served a cocktail with a fucking swirly made-out-of-goddamn-paper straw that belongs at Disneyland. First, you walk through some industrial sized fridge that clearly doesn't function because it has to fit the average member of the American electorate. Every drink costs an entire 20 after tip, and it's just some variant of a watered-down sugary old fashioned with the bartender's skin flakes as garnish that you sip while staring at a license plate from that town in Mississippi that isn't Jackson. No, Bruno Mars didn't sing about this place.
A drinking environment simply shouldn't be so sobering. Prohibition turned to inhibition, and "private equity" went from moonshiners to restaurant groups. The government ordered a shutdown of bars and restaurants, and the speakeasies just stayed closed??? Perhaps they're just really good at hiding, but believe me, I tried some doors to confirm. But everyone has an investment to protect, a lease to maintain, and only banks are allowed to sell fraudulent financial derivatives and call it "hedging". The most offensive part of all these bars, however, is that you still have to specify that you want gin, not vodka, in a martini.
This isn't blaming bartenders, of course, as my opinion of the profession correlates with Catholics' opinion of nuns. It pains me to see their fleeting, weary glances as that customer who clearly doesn't understand that a cocktail is more than 1 drink orders another. So word of advice - try going off menu at a speakeasy bar. If you do find yourself at one, staying on menu is like ordering a pre-selected bowl at Chipotle. They have every liquor and liqueur imaginable surrounding them - encourage them to go nuts. I guarantee you it'll end up better than whatever IBA-official cocktail with an egg white thrown into it is on the menu. You see, going to a speakeasy-style bar for me is what I imagine going to church is like. You're surrounded by inauthenticity, but all the tools are right in front of you to create a meaningful drinking experience. Plus, it's not like you ever go more than a couple times a year anyway.